This year I will turn 40, or 788, that is, if I am the sum of all the years I have been, that is, if those years all add up to something more than what you see that is, a collective culmination of some kind of insight that edges ever closer to what some may refer to as wisdom that is, if the days spent are what makes a life.
I have seen 160 seasons come and go that is, where I have looked up to notice their passing, I still hear my 8 year old self stamp her feet, I feel my 2 year old inner child lean in for closeness, my teenage self keeps trying to be good… she remains resolutely misunderstood, my broken tweenage heart is still looking to be loved, the young adult in me brings me confidence, sometimes, my mid-life self is urging to step out of line, my early mothering me just looks at me exhausted, all those hours on my knees was a kind of love incarnate.
this year I will turn 40 and all things being equal this will be the middle of the road, though life spins on a 6 sixpence I just have 2, 420 more years to go.
